My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
