turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
