that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize