im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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