It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
