I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize