Ambien. No doubt about it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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