plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
