Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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