Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
