We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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