considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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