Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
