Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
