Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
