I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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