she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize