Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
