i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
