At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
