Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
