Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
