sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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