Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
