I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
