His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
