I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
