found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize