he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
