I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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