I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
