Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
