but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
