she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
