It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize