Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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