Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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