She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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