Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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