trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
