You smell like stripper and shame
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
