when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
