my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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