I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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