Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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