i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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