I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
