All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
