turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
