He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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