Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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