oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
