No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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