Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
