HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
