Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
