Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
