honey bunches of taint.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
