Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
