If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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