Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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