we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
