I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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