I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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