As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
