Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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