Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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