she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
