Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
