its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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