i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
