the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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