She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
