i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
