The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
