I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
