My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
