its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
