Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
