You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
