Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize