YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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