Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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