Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
