You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
even my farts smell like vagina
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize