i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
