just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
