Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
