Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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