I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
