I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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