fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
