Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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